Day Four: Living in Comfort is Living in Fear

I feel today is an important day to tell you that immersion into another culture is imperative to your growth. Immersion allows you an opportunity to see things from a new lense, a different angle of the world, a perspective you would have never known. For me, I was able to dig a little deeper into my personal biases and prejudices about the world and other people. Because of that, I grew.

However, I don't think this is something that all people get from travel and immersion. Some times we don't come with an open mind, we carry our customs and culture with us like armor. To grow and get something out of an experience like this, you have to be willing to be vulnerable and open to change. You have to question your core values and your upbringing. You have to get really comfortable with confrontation.

When I set off to Mexico, I had people tell me not to go, I had others tell me I was crazy, I even had people tell me it was really unsafe. I'm sure all of those things are true, but from what bias are they speaking from? Those perspectives allowed me to start asking myself, what makes one place safer over another, what makes me crazy, why not go? The only thing I could really think about was FEAR. Fear holds people back.

The fear that this is unsafe, the fear of what could happen. The fear of living in the world of the unknown. These were not my fears...or were they? All those fears crossed my mind, but what I do know, is this... if you live in fear, you will go mad! Fear is a powerful emotion. If we constantly avoid our fears and live within our comfort zone, great things will never come. Growth is stunted and you live in constant wonder about the life you could be living.

Why did I decide on Mexico?

Over two years ago a stranger walked into my office at work. We looked at one another, I swear I knew her, but we couldn't pin it down. She knew me too. We shared an embrace and just a gaze for a while. Turns out, we never met one another before, but our souls were no strangers. We got to talking and before I knew I was sharing my deep passion for the children I work with, some who are non-English speakers, some honor students, some with disabilities. I explained that at some point in my future I want to take Spanish classes in an immersion program. This small interaction led to the start of great change when she asked: "Why not now?"

Here are some of my immediate fear based excuses: "I'm a single mom, my daughter is too young and difficult, I'm in debt, I can't travel as a solo mom, I wouldn't know how to travel a country alone, what if I get sick while there?"

Blah, blah, blah!

The list kept going too! But here is what happened. She looked at me and said, "So why not this summer?"

Here I am giving her some more excuses. Is she not hearing me? Her responses continued to force me to discover the root of why I believed something so magical couldn't happen and at that moment I realized I was responding from fear.

The following week we went to the local library to research grants and I worked on a grant proposal. Through this process I learned that many people and organizations have foundations that provide funding for something like this. I proposed the trip to my employer, but the school district wouldn't pay for the immersion program, so I'd have to come up with a lot of money on my own. Originally this trip was supposed to be a full 6 week immersion. However, as Covid took over, I realized I wanted to see more of Mexico and experience parts of it differently!

I researched for months right up to the day I left (well over a year spent planning this trip) on ways to reduce my cost, how to find supporters and what to do to get ready. I ended up creating a Go Fund Me for my daughter's expenses which paid for part of her plane ticket. I was still short on the funds, so I took her favorite work of art and had 10 replicas made on canvas when their was a great sale. It cost me $50 dollars total! She sold her paintings with a cute campagn video on Facebook and Instagram for $40 each. She made over $300 dollars and all the money went towards her trip. We even got to keep one painting for the house!

Before you know it, I got my tickets and Air BNB planned out and a deposit on my immersion studies.

I ended up getting two grants as well. One was from an organization that funds excellence in education and another was a local business that I have done some work with who wanted to see more bilingual staff in the school and more opportunities for students with disabilities. The grants paid for the immersion classes for myself and one covered part of Gia's program.

We ended up having our flights canceled just a few weeks after finalizing everything as COVID shut the world down. I let the summer go by and started a new school year. As I rolled into the year with a very new outlook on life and living a very different lifestyle I got on the phone and changed our flight for the following summer. Along with that flight change, came a different airport and a whole new itinerary as well. We changed our course of travel all while causing more fear and anxiety than one can imagine! Why put myself through this?

I had gotten really comfortable about going to Mexico and the anxiety was no longer there, which meant I had fallen into a comfort zone with this trip. Through this, Cecilia, the lady who embraced me and believed in me had also planted this seed of inspiration within me, she told me to FLY knowing I could SOAR in this world, she lent me her wisdom to push past my comfort zone and spread my wings fully, she taught me to trust in myself and the people I surround myself with.

The people of Mexico will ensure my travels are safe, they will embrace me, they will help me and I just had to keep an open mind!

Sometimes all we need is for someone to tell us we can do it, we need someone to lend us their vision, we need someone to say, "That trip sounds amazing!"

I always had a love for travel, but the thought of doing this with my tween in the hot summer, to a country we know nothing about, having to take a plane, taxi, ferry, another taxi and carry our luggage brought back those old worries I believed were conquered. On top of that as I grew older, I grew more fearful of the world and what could happen. I think that also comes with motherhood. As a mother, you just open your eyes to all the fear you have and for me, that caused a ton of anxiety over the years. Taking the fear and turning it into inspiration and knowledge really has allowed me to be imaginative in everything I do. I started to put everything I wanted to create in life on a vision board right before I started planning this trip. Here I was cutting out pictures of myself, Oprah and a sombrero. Little did I know that I was cutting out the vision of what I wanted to see down the line. Oddly enough, everything on my vision board came into formation this year, expect Oprah and my tiny home on wheels... but EVERYTHING ELSE! This was a board full of vision for years to come, and here it was all within my lap in one year! This has changed my life drastically!

So, take your glass, and put it in the air. Let's cheer to this with a margarita, a drink suggestion from my amazing older sister Andrea Topping, who thinks I am a tad bit crazy, but also thinks I am one kick-ass inspiring little sister! Thanks for the suggestion and for being a role model! Now let's jump into a recap of today:

We totally backflipped off the boat!

I wasn't really sure what today would bring, but as we woke up we decided on snorkeling. We took a taxi into town and got on a small ship with several other people. Our tour guide María was so nice as were the other two crew mates.

Gia really enjoyed putting her head in the water to see what we could find. In her words, "there goes Dori." Actually I'm starting to feel a bit like Dori. What day is it, when did I last eat, what did we do yesterday?

Thank goodness I'm keeping it all written down!

We are fitting right in as well. That's something I'm always so worried about, as a single white momma to a taller than me black child! However, today Gia was asked if she was from the DR and I keep passing for hispanic... even when I tell them I don't speak Spanish in Español. I usually get, your accent is good and a confused glance. And then we start a conversation in "Spanglish." I can understand more than I can speak, and so can they ... so we make do! Gia thought it was entertaining that she fit in. As a momma, I was thrilled to see her reveling in blending in rather than standing out.

My Spanish is getting a bit better, but suddenly Dori syndrome sets in and I'm just so lost, swimming in circles.

One thing we noticed today and really didn't appreciate while on our snorkeling lunch break was a women who was upset about the toilet seats and having to pay for toilet tissue at the bathroom. She got a bit belligerent with the bathroom attendant and yelled at her in English. She continued to get upset about having to pay for paper and kept asking for the toilet seat. I was pretty close and it upset me to see her talking that way. I politely said "Welcome to Mexico. If you don't like it here, you can always go back to where you came from." She gave me a nasty look and walked away. Mission accomplished! If you don't like or cannot embrace the customs or norms of other cultures, you are not ready to go to a different country. You can't expect things to be the way they are at home. You still have work to do, and therefore you should start reading my blog posts from day one over again!

After snorkeling we went back to Ruben's Restaurant for a wonderful meal and as my sister suggested, a margarita! It took a while to wear off.

The victories of the day were that I was able to tell my taxi driver where to bring us home without any issues or second guessing myself and sounding like a complete foreigner! Casa Alegría en El Cañotal enfrente el carcamo de aguakan. It may or may not be written on a posted note for me to read to the driver!